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April 27, 2005
Just what's been going on...
I have given this some thought and decided that I should clue you in to what's been going on with me the past few weeks...I feel that my updates have been 'thin' and I haven't been producing the beads in the numbers I used to...so even though I was hoping to be able to get thru this in a different way, I think its better if I go ahead and just open up...
For the past 3 weeks my oldest kitty, Dexter, has been quickly failing...We took him in for a deep ear infection and suspect he's also suffered a stroke...He's manefested Horner's Disease and the right side of his face is paralyzed...
it makes it difficult for him to eat properly, so I'm mixing up a meal of watery wet food (gruel, how appetizing) and he's doing his best to eat...I've been administering eardrops, antibiotics and even stool softener...Last Thursday he's started drooling out of the right side (the paralyzed side) of his mouth and so I clean him up as best as I can, but he's rather 'crunchy' from where he's smeared his meals...its all rather tragic actually...The 'plus' side is that he still is eating, drinking, using the litter box and getting around on his own...but its very difficult to watch him and I have mixed feelings about it all...as long as he's still interested and able to eat, I don't feel like he's ready to pass...and I hate to put him down just because its difficult for ME to see him this way - I like having as much time with him as I possibly can...so we are just existing this way...I've been sleeping in the spare bedroom where we have a trundle that's only 6 inches off the ground so he can spend time with me at night, and not feel so isolated or 'in trouble' as he does when he's quarrantined alone...but this of course means every time he gets up, eats, drinks, etc., I wake up...I've been getting very little sleep, sporadic at best...and the emotional and physical toll is starting to catch up with me...After our vet visit yesterday, where he gets subcutaneous fluids pumped into him, I found he'd lost a half pound since his visit last Thursday...that's quite a bit of weight in a very short time - not a good sign...I could barely keep my emotions in check and was crying by the time I got into the car to whisk him away - forgetting the vet had prescribed a homeopathic remedy for his drooling...so I had to wait for them to bring it to me..I came home yesterday and just cried all day..and yet Dex had a great day, he was active and talking, eating, drinking and enjoying the outdoors....but today he's back to hiding in what I've deemed the 'Batcave' where its hard for either Brian or me to get to him, where he feels safe and we can't administer meds to him...nor can we grab him and whisk him to the vet's...I don't know when all this will change, I don't expect him to get better, he's either stable or getting worse...I've had him since 1989 when we was found a stray sitting in our backyard and he's been through a lot of history with me...I feel like i'm losing a part of myself with his loss and there's so much more time I wish I could spend with him outside watching the birds, enjoying the sun...
Needless to say, I feel like I've been in a time warp the past 3 weeks...I apologize for not responding to emails right away, the thought of being online just doesn't interest me and its not your fault...I'll try to do better to respond, but if I'm late, please bear with me...I haven't felt like getting on the torch or really doing much of anything...Poor Brian had to clean part of the house on Sunday cause I was knee deep in a class that I'd rather have cancelled if I could, but I knew I needed to go through with it...This week has been very busy with little downtime and I'm glad this weekend is wide open so I can decompress a little, if at all...Dex goes back to the vet later this week for another assessment and I don't think I can do it this time...I hope Brian can handle this round for me...its not like I don't know the end is near, I do...it doesn't make it any easier, tho...
Posted by Donner at April 27, 2005 01:00 PM
Comments
((HUG)) for you! I love my kitty Molly and lost her 3 weeks ago to renal failure (after 16 mo of giving her IV's at home). I am just so lost. I was there with her mom when she was BORN in 1985. So I'm right there with you...hang in there sweetie!
And go offline for a few months if you want to. OR get your glassie friends to give a weekly update on your site..sort of when Johnnie Carson would have a guest speaker! :-) It'll be fun for all!
Posted by: Nancy B at April 27, 2005 02:39 PM
Donna,
I'm so sorry about Dexter...we had Midnight for 17 years and when it was time to go he hid in the shrubbery outside and waited to die. We couldn't get to him until right at the end. It's hard to watch Mother Nature do her thing. Hope his passing is peaceful
Posted by: aunt bonnie at April 27, 2005 03:09 PM
Oh Donna, I feel for you. I have 6 cats and 2 are very ill. It's so hard to watch them fail. I give insulin injections, glucose meds and iv every night to my Smokey. I also sleep downstairs to be close to my sick kitties. As long as no one suffers I will go on doing what I can. My thoughts are with you. I know exactly how you feel!!!!!!!
Posted by: jaime at April 27, 2005 03:11 PM
Donna,
I am so sorry to hear about Dexter. I lost my Fuzzuls (a ferret) last August after a very long illness. Weekly subcutaneus fluids, (brutal for a tiny ferret), medication 3 times a day. It wears on you, I know. And I know how hard it is to be their best friend and let them go when it is time. I wish there was something magical I could say that would make all of this easier for you.
Posted by: Dianne at April 27, 2005 04:17 PM
Donna, my heart goes out to you - I've so been there-done that - with 2 dogs, a cat, a deer, 2 squirrels and a rabbit. You know, if we didn't love them so much, it wouldn't hurt so much - but that doesn't make it any easier.. Please take some time for yourself, Brian and Dex. I don't think we expect you to keep us entertained - you can already see there are others who have felt this grief and anguish. Sending you comforting thoughts..... dana
Posted by: Dana Overstreet at April 27, 2005 06:03 PM
I also feel for you Donna. I had a diabetic 17 yr old cat with Horner's syndrome that I gave insulin to twice a day as well as meds for frequent urinary tract infections. I know exactly how you feel.I found Tiffany as a stray 6 wk kitten ( from Florida) and took her back to Illinois.
She was a huge part of me. I also went through the loss of my beloved 27 yr old horse Cherokee last Sept. Take all the time and do not worry about torches, beads or keeping us all informed. We all know what this is like. Please take care and my thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you
Posted by: Amy C at April 27, 2005 08:57 PM
Oh Donna,
I am so so sorry...
My heart goes out to you and Dex...
I know you love your kitties as much as I love mine...
Big Hugs to you and loving pets to Dex...
~ Nicole
Posted by: Nicole at April 28, 2005 12:06 AM
My heart goes out to you, Brian and Dexter. I think we all consider you a dear friend, Donna, and friends will always be there for you. Take as much time as you need for yourself and Dex. We'll be here when you want to and are able to swing back into things.
Posted by: Beth at April 28, 2005 09:06 AM
How sad. We've all been through this, but all that means is I know I can't really say or do anything to help. Give Dexter a kiss for me. Hang in there. :(
Posted by: Anissa at April 28, 2005 10:03 AM
Hugs and Kisses to you. We all love our kitties. When mine was sick I kicked my husband out of bed so she could sleep next to me. Concentrate on yourself and Dexter for a while rather than putting things on the website.
Posted by: Gail Lannum at April 28, 2005 02:59 PM
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Posted by: Rachel G. at April 28, 2005 04:04 PM
I'm so sorry that you and your kitty are having to go through this -- add me to the list of cat lovers who have struggled with various serious illnesses over the years, and wish you well during this. These "animals" become part of our lives in so many very small ways each and every day. As so many have suggested, spend time with Dexter, and the rest of your family, and thanks for sharing.
Posted by: carolyn at April 29, 2005 07:27 AM